I first met Max in Australia when he was still married to someone else (don’t judge us 😉 In those first few months we fell in love and we both knew we had a ‘hard’ road ahead if we were going to be together.
Long story sort of short, we did it. And in the beginning if I had known what those first few years would have been like, would I have chosen them?
Well, I’m glad I didn’t know then cause it was all so worth it.
It would have been easy to give up in those first few hard years.
Max had to make some big choices his family didn’t support, get a divorce and go through all that.
I was deported from Australia at that time also which was the biggest blessing in disguise. It was my deportation that made us look at what we really wanted to choose. If we were going to be together, Max either had to move overseas with me (which he could not do as he had two of the cutest little kids in Australia) or we had to be married so I could come back to Australia.
Not the most romantic proposal story =) but that’s how ours went.
A proposal of practicalities and two people making a big choice that would change not only our lives but the lives of all around us.
And so we were married after only knowing one another for a little over a year.
We didn’t get the normal courtship, where you live in the same town and get to casually develop your story.
For us it was get married or don’t see one another for 5 years.
I had never thought of marriage in my life before. I was not one of those girls who dreamt of getting married. I was one of those girls who dreamt of exploring the world. Thank the lord I was born in 1979 in southern California were those girls’ dreams could come true.
Mine was not a traditional family; my parents never spoke to me about getting married or starting a family of my own. In fact, all my siblings are half and step brothers and sisters. My parents had been married and divorced before and divorced one another eventually.
So when marriage was on the table it was this strange friend I didn’t fully trust but who offered me a key to a new life I never realized I wanted.
Max showed me how to trust in love and caring in a way I had not been willing to before.
I was always expecting the other shoe to drop. To be abused, to be left.
In every relationship before I had to be the one to leave first so I would not be left. I never really chose to be close to anyone so I wouldn’t loose them or me.
I didn’t recognize in the beginning (and still discovering some of it now) how much I thought that I or the other person would always leave.
I never thought of relationship as a long term thing, it was a flashing bliss that would inevitably fall into failure.
Max showed me something different through his unwillingness to just let me walk away. He showed me how two people could work through stuff, not just fight about it and move apart.
He listened to me, he wanted to work with me and work on the relationship.
When I was reactionary, he would wait patiently until he could get through to me.
When I was angry and in conclusion he would always stay open to me. Loving me, never leaving me even if I tried to push him away with all my might.
It was through his persistence and patients that I began to trust love. And if someone was going to hurt me it didn’t matter because the power of opening to love was never worth losing again.
I had walked around guarding my heart. I was cynical about love as I had seen those who said they loved judge, lie and do harm.
We have only been together for 7 years and some would call us newlyweds still. And the amazing thing that keeps happening is that it keeps getting better and better. I was stoked on Max in the beginning but today our relationship is even a million times better then that.
We were supported, coached and facilitated by my amazing stepfather. Gary worked with us tirelessly every time we asked. We owe so much to him and the tools of access for helping us keep our shit together and discovering what a really amazing relationship can be.
One where we both keep growing and changing, where we allow one another to be who we are and always empower the other to choose. One where there are no barriers or judgment. One of total gratitude and honour.
I never thought this was possible but because of Max and Access, I do now.
I want to spend the rest of this life time creating with Max not because I’m too unimaginative or creative to do anything else but because he makes my life a better place. He gifts me everyday with this presence and kindness. Like really, I’m not just fluffy talking. My life is palpably better with him in it.
I have even started looking at what it will be like after one of us dies and will I still love this being when it has no gender (I’m weird).
We have been all over the world together, we raise our kids (Fin & Estelle) and facilitate Access.
We love food (like seriously we are obsessed), life, beauty, one another and watching the change consciousness can create (again, obsessed).
What would you like? Dare you find out?