Sex and relationship can be an illustrious and treacherous area. Booby traps (no pun intended ? of judgment, insecurity, power, closure, defence and need just around every corner. And it can also be an expansive gift that touches us in ways that so many of us deeply desire. So to begin with, would you be willing to destroy and uncreate everything that relationship is to you?
I was 15 years old and trying really hard to fit in with the vibe that was going on all around me. Plenty of talk amongst my friends of ‘hooking up’, ‘getting it in’, ‘I’d fuck her’ and being cool enough to qualify for the desirable and elusive girl.
These vibes never felt right to me but sex was still on my mind in a big way. Hell, even in 6th grade all I thought about was having sex with the student teacher! Testosterone was pumping through my veins and the urge to play with female bodies was almost unbearable.
Me teenage sex years were a tumult of the points of views of the other males in my life and my knowing that something greater was possible yet never knowing how to get there. My fathers self worth was founded on his capacity with money and the looks of the woman on his arm, my friends wanted to stick it in wherever and however they could and pornography only showed sexual excitation through judgment, force and violence.
Needless to say, my sexual desire did not fit any of the pictures I saw all around me.
At one time, I had found sex stories on the internet and was a big fan of reading whatever I could get my hands on. I masturbated for the first time when I was 15 and felt terrible about myself when my mother found me reading these stories in my bedroom (In hindsight what was really the problem!? Did I do something wrong with my big bad penis?). If only I had known the tool ‘Who does this belong’ to when I was 15?!
I have since come to realise that so many of the twists, shutdowns and judgments of sex that I thought belonged to me were actually an awareness of other peoples’ heads all around me, especially those closest to me.
I went on to having small encounters with girls at school. From being too shy to kiss my first girlfriend at 15 to losing my virginity at 17. Anxiety, shutdown and intense desire would be the closest words to describing my life at the time. Can any of you guys relate??
Even to this day I am still getting clear on what it is to be a man. Are men the perpetrators of the diminishment of women? Are women ever the diminishers of women? If we are truly all infinite beings, what is all this circus about gender wars, abuse & perpetration?
As a humanoid man I have had even less of a clue of how to deal with women. I always had to be in judgment of myself to determine whether I was wrong or right. Would I make the right choice or the wrong choice? Will I get the sex right or will I fail? Will I fulfill this woman’s desires or will I fail? I could never be myself. And heads up to all the men reading this…. This is never a turn-on to women!
This is where the tool of ‘Interesting Point of View’ becomes really handy. When you are totally head-tripping (thinking a lot!) yourself into being the most repulsive man on earth, say to yourself, “Hey, what if this is only an interesting point of view that I am being the most repulsive man to the female race?” Rather than perpetually judging yourself into thinking that your judgment will one day make you a better man.
And a side note on the tool… what if you were being ‘interesting point of view’ about your judgments and then had every choice available to you? What would be possible then?
From my early 20’s I explored many modalities to find out what could be possible with sex, women and relationship. I did years of men’s groups, men’s & women’s work, tantra classes and self-judgment. Oh, did I mention I judged myself a lot? I really couldn’t get it right, no matter what I did.
I had few relationships before meeting my first wife at 23 and being a father at age 25. That’s right, my first child 15 months after we first met! A long time before that I had decided that I would definitely be a father and that this would make me a more important person. Interesting point of view I had that point of view!
When I met my current wife, Shannon, my life was going down hill fast. I had plenty of great ideas of what could work in relationship and never the balls to apply them. It was at this point that I recognised that one of the gifts a woman can be to a man is to never accept less from him than what he is capable of.
She saw more in me than I had ever been willing to truly acknowledge before. And she would accept nothing less than my commitment to my life and what I knew.
If you are a man reading this, have you ever noticed the desire to be everything you can be in your relationship?… in your life?… for your woman?… and for the world?
Has that been available to you before? Have you been successful with this in your life?
It wasn’t until I found Access Consciousness that I could be everything that I am and like Dr Dain Heer says, “It never looks like you thought it would!”
Like it or not, there is nothing like a vagina to inspire a man to greatness. And by ‘vagina’, I mean the vitality and light of being alive and the force of the living earth. AND I mean vaginas. The ones that walk around in pants.
Women, here is a secret about men. You have the power to inspire a man to greatness or to crush him to dust… What would you have to receive about you to inspire a man to be all he can be? Do you desire more from him than you are willing to admit? What will it take for you to have what you desire with a man?
Are you willing to inspire a man to greatness by whatever means you have available to you? Are you willing to challenge him to a degree of greatness that he would otherwise shy away from? Vaginas are one of the most powerful tools on earth, speaking for all men, please use them wisely.
After three-and-a-half years of being with Shannon now, through the good times and bad, I am more aware than ever of the possibilities that a committed relationship can create. Not just a commitment to the other person, but a commitment to your own life.
Do you commit to the energies that create separation? Or do you commit to the energies that create greater intimacy? Whether you choose to be single or in relationship, it is the same choice. A commitment to your life.
What would you truly like to create?