I have spent the majority of my life judging myself for not being able to be normal while simultaneously being obnoxiously ME.
I came from an extremely liberal family, growing up in southern California so that set me up to make ANY choice I really wanted. There were not many limits put on me, I just had to figure out what it was that I wanted.
It’s hard to tell my tale without mentioning my amazing stepfather Gary Douglas, who totally saved my life and helped set me on a path to consciousness and being even more obnoxiously me.
I started facilitating Access Consciousness at age 19 because literally nothing else felt right. In my teens I had been severely depressed, not to mention angry. I was so full of what I thought was hate and social paranoia that I spent the majority of my time alone, I struggled a lot. I turned to drugs as any self exploring, highly sensitive, creative weirdo would.
Nature became my savior, best friend and teacher and I disappeared into nature and drugs to escape the world. That was fun until it wasn’t anymore and the drugs started to make me worse rather than open me up.
All the while my stepfather was developing what he would soon call Access Consciousness® . Initially I thought it was super weird and didn’t want to do the stuff my dad was into, but after going through some extremely dark times I turned to Gary for help.
Bit by bit I started using the Access processes and soon I was actually happy. Happy in a way I had never realized was possible. Since I am a study in extremes I went full tilt with Access. I dropped out of Art School and started seeing what I could create with Access. All my friends were so annoyed with me, always pushing Access onto them (I have learned in my wise old age to only offer to those who ask) but back then I was sure everybody would want the change Access could create.
I set out all those years ago for what I didn’t fully know, yet I knew I had to go. I had so much desire to change the world, not in an idealistic way but more out of desperation. I would rather not live unless the world changed. I had had my first taste of true change through the Access tools and it came from deep within me and I couldn’t give up. My journey to change the world began by changing me.
I found that by changing me, changing my points of view, my judgments and my reality about something, that anything could and would shift. I learned that through embodying the change throughout my every molecule, ALL energy changes.
I used to be so upset about the ocean becoming more and more polluted where I grew up in southern California. I would feel so angry and helpless about it. Then when I learned about allowance and communicating with the molecules of everything in the Universe, I began doing/being this vibration with the ocean while I was swimming in or walking beside it. I witnessed first hand the ocean shifting and becoming healthier.
Through me going within and ‘asking’ the energy to change, the world changed around me. I wasn’t protesting the pollution; I wasn’t seeking to change it by means outside of me.
I no longer could look outside of myself for the problem, I realized within my Being was a key to change reality.
I now live a magical life, full of joy and possibility. I have come a long way from that suicidal, angry teenager.
Today I joyfully grow the possibilities rather than struggle and survive my life. I travel seven to eight months out of the year (which I LOVE) seeing the world and facilitating Access and meeting some of the most amazing, courageous, seeking people. I run my own consciousness business, have married an amazing man who expands and nurtures my life everyday.
I get to choose to change and create whatever I would like, and I do! I would never be foolish enough to say I have “gotten” consciousness or that I am conscious, for as soon as I think I have gotten it the universe shows me how infinity, vastly more there is to get.
I stand today enveloped in a ever caring world full or beauty (and insanity) and receive the sparkling magic that is all around. Consciousness is so much better then drugs. The journey continues, life unfolds, the spirits call to me to be great and I know the power of consciousness.
The journey of a million miles begins with a single step. What step can you make today?